How Life skills will change world around you !!!

“Go for the moon. If you don’t get it, you’ll still be heading for a star.” – Franklin Delano

INTRODUCTION

In the journey of life, we come across people from various sections and categories of society. Evolution of man has taken place physically for 100 of millions of years. However there is another form of evolution that has taken place quite recently during the past 100 years and i.e of the evolution of man’s psychological and emotional needs. Sigmund Freud is considered the father of psychological study of man’s needs, wants and desires. With his breakthrough in the study of psychology, we have been able to focus our attention on aspects of simple nature for example, time management so as to improve our overall performance of our work. Life Skills is a part of the concept of psychology that has helped us to shape our life and our career for the better.

IMPORTANCE

The question before us is why Life Skills is as important as the various other academics. Though we are being trained and study and pass our exams to become Company Secretaries, but then why is Life Skills training also equally important for us? The answer is simple. We, in our life come across various ups and downs. It’s a kind of a vicious circle. There are always the good times and at times a little bad times (if we are lucky) or else an equal number of bad times. It is logical to assume that during our good times we will have all our friends and family around us to support us and share our joys but during the bad times, you do not find any of your friends and even your family to support you. Only your closet of friend or friends and your family might be there, but there is nothing much they can do for you. It is at this crucial point of time when self-doubts and low confidence creeps in and makes its home in you. At that point in time, it is these life skills that vacate the negative emotions inhibiting inside you, so as to march forward slowly but steadily to the Path of Glory.

Also Life Skills can be of immense help and support during your good times as it aids and assists you in dealing with people and friends and family and that your words and actions do not hurt them and to maintain cordial relations with them.

CONCEPTS UNDER LIFE SKILLS

Under Life Skills there are several important aspects that need to be covered and understood so as to appreciate its importance and more importantly to try and incorporate into our day to day facets of life. The various aspects that will be dealt with, under Life Skills are:-

-Active Listening

-Keep Judgements Aside

-Morality in Communication

-Assertiveness

-Time Management

-Decision Making

-Choices

-Acceptance

-Responsibility

-Goal Setting

-Stress and Stress Management

-Positive Attitude

-Group Communication

-Emotions

Active Listening

“For The World Is Hollow, And I Have Touched The Sky”

The first concept under Life Skills is active listening. Listening can be of many types. One type would be the sender conveys his message or communicates it and the receiver is not receiving it. In simple English, someone is talking and the other person is pretending to listen. The other form of listening is the sender conveys his message but no one is listening. In other words, the person is talking but the other person is not interested in the conversation, and is therefore not listening. And the last form of communication is that the sender conveys his message and the receiver acknowledges it. In simple words, the person is communicating his ideas and the other person acknowledges it by either accepting it or rejecting it and giving his point of view. This is known as Active Listening. Active listening is the most important form of communication.

Active listening means not just receiving the message or information from the sender but to also give his view point to the message sent. Thus there is two way transfer of information between the two persons. Active listening is an important trait a person should follow as it helps in building and forging bonds and deeper connections between people. In the world of company affairs or as it is called in India, Corporate World, we will be coming across number of people from different walks of life. During this time, communication will prevail and if one is an active listener, then chances are, you would be making many friends and earning the respect of them all. However if your pretending to listen, people will start to ignore you and even stop talking to you.

Good Communication is the key to success in any organisation. The fact is that ideas can only come out if they are properly communicated and another important aspect which compliments good communication is active listening. One cannot be a good communicator and a poor listener. It will signify that the person is arrogant and is only thrusting his own ideas and not listening to others. Another word for such persons is a Dictator. They seldom have friends and will always get into trouble. Therefore, active listening is the key to success in good communication and success in the organisation.

Keep Judgements Aside

“Man can believe the impossible, but can never believe the improbable”- Oscar Wilde

Another key aspect in Life Skills is to Keep Judgements Aside. What does this concept mean? When we deal with people in our day to day life we build up an impression of a person in our mind from the least facts made known to us. In other words, we draw a conclusion of a person. Some of the things we assume are the capacity of the person, his economic status, his intelligence, etc. Strangely, we draw these conclusions by either meeting for the first time or even just looking at the person without even talking to such persons. It is therefore, important that we stop making such assumptions or keep judgements aside of a person. It is but natural as humans to draw conclusions about a person but, if we do so, we cloud our judgement on how to deal with such persons as we have pre-conceived notions about the person. Often, we create distrust and also spoil relations with such persons. As it is important to deal with people around us, be it in an organisation or in the outside world, it is the thumb rule to make more friends and fewer enemies and to create an environment of trust and less of distrust.

Morality in Communication

 “If only these walls could talk”

In the office place, we find people working together as a group or subdivided into teams to perform certain tasks. Thus, as time goes by, the members in the team form a certain bond or attachment, since they work together, complement each other, all in all, aim to complete their tasks. It is during this stage, people talk about themselves and interact their ideas and also this is the place where, people also talk about others. There is another term for this and it is known as GOSSIP. This form of communication is an inalienable fact that exists in any office anywhere in the world. In fact, gossip is not restricted in just offices but also in other places as well. Gossip is something that should be avoided and not encouraged. It demoralises a person and is also a form of harassment in the company. In today’s world, with intense competition reaching to a point of literally becoming a fight for survival, emotions run high in the work place. A person thus who is a subject of intense gossip, will have his productivity reduced as he is intensely under scrutiny by others and thus loses confidence and thus reduces the efficiency in the company. Thus as a Company Secretary, we should avoid the company of people who gossip and also should go one step ahead to even discourage such practice.

Assertiveness

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought” – Buddha

Being assertiveness is an important trait in one’s self. Assertiveness should not be construed as a negative emotion or that of arrogance, but it is a stand a person takes. There is a natural tendency among people to push others around (not literally) to do or not to do certain things. Thus, choice of one’s own is replaced by the wisdom of another person on a subject matter.

What happens is that a person’s individuality is put to question or is removed with another’s person thought. For example, a person wants to wear a suit but his peers tell him to wear a t-shirt. Here his friends force their idea upon him to wear a t-shirt. Another example is during a conversation, a person expresses his views and forces others to accept it however as an individual it is your right to have your own viewpoint and to express it. Being assertive even includes to even say “NO”. Saying No is another aspect under assertiveness and should be practiced more often. For example, if someone or a person of authority orders you to do or not to do something, you should have the courage, conviction and assertiveness to say NO, if it is morally, ethically and legally wrong. An assertiveness person will be respected by all as he has if own view point and thus, his own individual thoughts and has the courage and tact to express it to others, without hurting their feelings.

Time Management

“Easy come, easy go”

There is a saying among people that time is money. As the idea suggest, time is valuable. One realises it after you have wasted your life not planning things properly.

Time management in its strict sense means the management of one’s self and to do things more efficiently by planning it in advance i.e by allotting time to do the task. Time management starts from the time you wake up from the bed in the morning to the time you get to work to the time you come back home and spend quality time with your family. Thus life has to be balanced from working at the office to spending time with your family. If there is an imbalance it will lead to problems and thus a drop in inefficiency of work in the office and also being withdrawn from the family. Another very important aspect which is overlooked is also SLEEP. If time management is effective, then appropriate time can be allotted for sleep. Sleep helps to rejuvenate the body and helps to keep balance and focus. Thus in our life, time management is the key essence in leading a normal healthy life and not just restricted to the work place or the office.

Decision Making

“Never hate your enemies, it affects your judgement” – Michael Corleono

Another important aspect in a person’s life is Decision Making. We all make decisions in our life. For some we have time to make a decision for others, it’s a split second decision to be taken. Decision making is the single most important task that has to be performed by persons. It can range from a CEO taking a decision on layoffs or bonus payment or investment on an asset, to deciding which shirt to wear to office.

It is said that the Captain of a Submarine are the best of the best as they take tough decisions in a matter of seconds which ultimately decides the fate of the submarine and its crew. The right decision saves them and the wrong can result in the death of the crew or the destruction the vessel.

When a person is involved in a decision making process, he should analyse all the pros and cons dispassionately or without any prejudice. There is never the right decision or the wrong decision but only the decision has to be taken. It gets even more challenging if decision has to be taken based on insufficient facts.

However if a person has taken a decision, being fully armed with the information required and takes a gamble and thus makes a rash decision, he will be held personally liable for his actions or the company will be held liable for his actions. When a decision has been taken the leader has to explain the reasons for taking up such a decision. Thus decision making should be backed by proper motive and foresight with good intentions.

Decision making asserts your independence and also your individuality. The person will be respected and admired for taking tough decision when they really mattered. Decision making is more of an art to perfect than a mechanised process. In life we can never have all the information. Thus even with a little information one has to take decisions based on it.

Choices

“Better to lose with a wise man than win with a fool”

In order to develop one’s own individuality, one should be able to draw up what they are and what they want in life. A choice is a celebration of freedom to do something in life. Choices can range from the career one has chosen; to the girl he wants to marry, to the place he wants to live, to the company of friends he wants to keep, to the office he wants to work, to the business he wants to start, to the society he wishes to contribute.

Choice is another aspect under Life Skill which a person should possess. However, Choice should not trample over another person’s freedoms.

Thus Choice is the single most factor that decides the future of a person. It gives him satisfaction to the fact that he chose this as the thing he wanted and if he falters then, he has the courage to try something else or try again through a different approach to achieve his goals.

Often, choice of a person is clashed with other people’s aspirations. For example, parents wanting their children to study medicine or chartered accountancy etc and not evaluate whether their children are interested in the subject or if it will be difficult for them, or the spouse wanting to have more children not realising if the family can afford the expenses. Thus choices have to be made to ensure independent thought process. Choice is also helpful in ensuring stability in one’s life.

Acceptance

“It never rains, but it pours”

Acceptance is another concept which has to be incorporated in Life Skills. By acceptance we mean to accept fate or life as it is and move on. Everybody has regrets that torment people all the time. At times if they are left unchecked, it creates a void in a person’s life and thus leads to depression, anxiety, low esteem and self doubt. Self pity is the mother of all disaster in one’s life. Accepting the past events and leaving it in the past is the key to move on in the present to secure a better future. It is said that if you remain in the past, you will be lost in it.

There many things in life which we are not proud of, things which we didn’t say when it really mattered do things which would have led to an alternate journey to life but it is this knowing that would help us to revaluate ourselves and help us not to commit the same mistake again. One should always hope for the best, accept what has happened and move on with one’s life.

Responsibility

“Only the dead have seen the end of war”- Plato

When we look at our lives, we realise we have taken decisions, we have made choices, we have accepted certain aspects of our life but the one crucial point that cements us as a person is shouldering Responsibility.

Responsibility can be analysed from various aspects. One can be, to take responsibility from the choices that are made to taking responsibility for accepting a task or work to be performed. Without responsibility there cannot be any accountability for a person. Thus responsibility and accountability go hand in hand. Once a person takes up responsibility he will be respected by all for standing up for himself and being accountable for his actions.

Responsibility includes taking stock of one’s life, assessing it and if there is something wrong, then to find alternative remedies to rectify it. If one does not take any responsibility and if he falters in life he cannot blame anyone else as, he did not take the initiative or responsibility to change his life for the better. Thus responsibly is the core fundamental in assessing oneself and realising one’s potential in achieving goals in life.

Goal Setting

“If I walk into a storm, I should know which way the wind blows”

Goal setting is the process by which a person engages himself in the forethought process of deciding his aim in life. People of all walks of life have certain goals in their mind which they want to achieve in life. It could be ranging from completing one’s studies to getting a designation of a job profile from a company to making money, to finding the perfect girl to marry(yes, people have all sorts of goals)

Without a goal in life, a person would lead an aimless life trying to figure out what to do and realise that he wasted all his life doing nothing worthwhile. Goals keep changing from time to time, once the goal has been achieved. When a goal is set, a person puts a total dedication to achieving it. Off course, one should also be very serious in attaining their goal, if not the entire exercise would be futile. A goal creates a direction or a path which a person can follow to achieve. Without a goal it would be like flying blind. Thus setting a goal is a good trait in an individual. It gives him a sense of purpose in life.

Stress and Stress Management

“Murphy’s Law – If anything can go wrong, it will”

Stress is a very common word used and spoken a number of times by people from all walks of life. If there is a drop in efficiency, it is adduced to stress, if a person is sick, then its stress and there are many more forms of stress.

Stress is mental fatigue which rebounds with many physical side effects thus affecting the health of the person. Stress in no sense should be brushed aside as a passé but should be dealt with quickly and efficiently. A person in stress would be fatigued, disgusted with life, in depression and physical health would take a severe beating.

When one is in stress, one should immediately accept the fact that he is in stress, analysis the root cause behind it and chalk out remedies to stay away from the cause of stress.

There are many aspects of one’s life that induces stress. Unaccomplished goals, family pressure, office pressure, to name a few but whatever the reasons be, stress takes a toll on the health of the person. The health of person is the single most important factor. Without proper health then what is the point in taking on tasks and responsibility if the health of the person is poor and weak. Stress induces heart attacks for example, which is fatal.

Among students, stress is the single most important factor that leads students to do things which are harmful and dangerous. There are certain remedies. It is suggested that one should maintain a stress journal and to write down the things that make you upset and stressed out and avoid from doing those things and most importantly to forget those things.

I personally believe that if something is stressing you, then detach yourself from it and forget about it. Then you will reach a point when you will ask yourself whether it was worth to take the stress or to leave it.

The fact is one cannot always run from everything because it stresses you. You have to find alternative remedies to deal with such from. I have learned over the recent years to detach myself from everything around me. So what does detach mean? Well, in simple English it means to forget people friends, family and problems around you. Yes meet your friends and family, exchange pleasantries, BUT, forget who they are and who you are. Imagine yourself on your own. What happens is the pressure from peers and family is reduced and you are only focused on your goal or your aim in life. Thus it helps to distress one and to focus on your priorities in life. Thus it is important to deal with stress effectively and quickly.

Positive Attitude

“The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend” – Abraham Lincoln

I have always admired Abraham Lincoln. He was the President of USA and was responsible to have ended slavery in the United States. The country went into a civil war on that issue. That was considered to be a very bad period in America. During the Civil War, United States were divided into two, the northern and central states were under the United States and the southern region of United States consisting of Texas and other states formed it own country. Later after many years the conflict ended and the United States defeated the southern states and the country joined together. During the war Lincoln went through many problems and personal tragedy. He lost his son through an illness, many soldiers were getting killed and they were getting defeated but he was never negative and he never gave up.

Another person whom I admire is Vincent Van Gough. He was a painter from Amsterdam. He was not a popular person but he never let his spirits down. He always tired and tired and painted new form of painting which were never done before. Nobody supported him except for his brother. He had no job and money, and his brother would always finance his work but no one was interested in it. He got ill one day and died. Years later his paintings became famous and now he is considered as the greatest painter of all time. Do you know that his painting fetches more than 50 million dollars in auction! Why do I admire him? Because he did not witness his own success. All his life he was criticised, he was in financial difficulties but he never gave up.

Being positive is a state of mind. You may have nothing but having a positive attitude can sail you through difficulties of any kind. Thus possessing a positive attitude helps a person to focus on his life and to focus on your goals. Some methods of creating positive attitudes are by having the feeling of gratitude.

Gratitude is to thank for having what you presently possess. This feeling of gratitude helps a person to deal with problems more efficiently. Negative attitudes can destroy a person and thus it is always important to have the feeling of being positive in any kind of problem.

Group Communication

Another trait in Life Skills is Group Communication. The first fact which should be accepted is a person cannot alone always achieve his goals. He needs people or a group to function in, to achieve his goals.

Group communications facilitates in proper understanding and communication of thoughts and ideas among the members in the group in order to achieve the intended goal. If there is poor communication then the task cannot be accomplished. Thus Group communication should be given importance especially in the office when working as teams.

Emotions

“Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy”- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Emotions are illogical and therefore irrational. Emotions are being human. Logic offers serenity that emotion seldom gives. Thus it is important to keep emotions in check. Emotional outburst could result in damaging relationships among family members, friends and office peers etc.

Thus it is always good not to react immediately to any situation. One should take time, think dispassionately and then act accordingly. Things are not always as it seems to be. What we see through our eyes is not always what we see or perceive. An advocate will always say there are many ways of looking through a situation. That is how defence lawyers file their cases. Thus emotions should be in check all the time. However one should not be devoid of emotions or else the person would go insane. Thus emotions are good but should always be in check.

Article written by:

Keny Elroy